The journey to healing

I had to turn away as the nurse quickly removed the tubes,
somehow, I hurt for you, even though I knew you now felt nothing but bliss
but I was broken in pieces, trying to make sense of the dark thing shattering my insides.

I wanted to give in to it and fall but something held me up…
hope…wonder…hunger to see, just for an instant, what you now saw.
I didn’t then, I had to leave you there, in that stark, white room full of machines, now quiet.
How could I leave you!!

That moment and the months that followed are hard to describe.
Sometimes, it felt as though I was standing on holy ground, touching on divine knowledge that only I had access to…and I saw you then…with Him, my Friend

but other times it felt as though the darkness would suck me dry of all hope,
but there He would be again, my Friend, my Beloved…
and as I clung to Him, strength flowed out of Him into me like a river rushing, and I could look up again and feel the sounds of heaven playing through me.

There’s a sense of expectation now.
I know we’re both walking beside Him, our Friend, our Beloved, and sometimes I hear us laughing as we jump off that cliff, just to be caught by giant white eagles…the three of us,

“I miss you”, I shout as we dive through the air
“Mommy, you’re flying”, you shout back
…and our Friend looks at me and smiles.